Matthew under the arm 126

[I am aware that the pilgrimage with St Matthew's Gospel is drawing to a conclusion (if ever pilgrimage end!). In this posting I refer to St Martin... Having his name is a wonderful honour, particularly as you will see, as the great Bishop of Tours, he influenced so much of early Christianity in Northern Europe and Britain.]

I couldn't wait any longer. yesterday evening, I asked Columba about where the pilgrimage would end. 'For me, it will be another dying!' What did he mean? 'Just remember the great Saint Martin of Tours and the cross that calls us....' Again, I had no idea what Columba meant. I then added: 'But you are so much stronger now. What is it with you... 'dying'? You are too important to be near death.' Columba drew five circles on the soil at the side of the path. Two circles he drew clockwise and three anti-clockwise. He then winked at me as he said 'Our Father...', holding up five fingers of his right hand and then silently pointing at the sun. 'Soon', he said. That evening in the inn as I downed a long and gorgeous drink, I turned to a fellow-pilgrim and waxed eloquent that I was being taught spiritual secrets by Columba... But he overheard... 'Dying? is that much of a secret... Pay attention!'

Matthew 26:30-35….
The writer of the Gospel was immersed in the Psalms and the Prophets. He would see the echoes of Jesus’ story going back to ringing and yet disturbing passages in the Hebrew Scriptures. As we pray with this passage, we are wrapped in the experience of the early church perception of Christ both wounded and risen which lies at the source of every part of the Gospel; Christ who is to be identified with the most alienated and apparently least likely to be associated with the Glory of God, and yet, they are the very ones through whom we experience the mystery of the Resurrection. Peter who was to become the founding apostle of the Church is in the dark as to the significance of this mystery. All his securities are collapsing around him. Therefore he responds out of fear. Peter falls into that obvious trap of ingratiating the one he admires. Oh! A much repeated habit


That in the alienated, I may affirm the work of Thy Rising.


The psychology of trying to please may arise from a natural admiration of someone’s skills or personality. The motivation is often that I may be included in the admired person’s life and that I may receive some reflected affirmation. It may also be that I want to escape the lack of self-worth or of my weaknesses being exposed. In this exercise imagine someone you have come to know and admire. Notice even the slightest inclination in you to ingratiate. This is not an exercise in self-accusation. Simply be aware. Then read the passage again. Identify with Peter, hearing Jesus speaking to you – understanding the depths of you. Jesus is not a hero or celebrity to be ingratiated. He is too deeply within you, for fantasies about his remote otherness to have any meaning.

+Martin
Argyll and The Isles

Matthew under the arm 125

Down in a valley this morning, that lay below the rough cart track that we seemed to have been on for days, there lay a village. Smoke crept stealthily into the early morning sky. Columba ate some dried fruit that our hosts gave us yesterday evening. He sat on the damp grass and gazed on the little house. After half and hour, he stood up and immediately set off down the fields, with me scampering afterwards. (His walking step was huge and long...) On entering the village, a little chapel snug among the cottages, revealed itself. The door was open with flickering candle-light within. Old women, children and bored looking men lurked in the shadows, waiting. The priest entered. There was his muttering. But then, as if something had woken him, he said slowly 'This is my body'. He raised his arms with bread between his fingers. Columba looked at me and smiled. We knew what we were saying to each other. Christ walks with us. He is here! I knew then that this was why Columba always held to the old fathers' insistance on the daily Eucharist. 'Give us this day our dailybread'.

Matthew 26:26-29….
In the heart and mind of the Gospel writer is the immanent death of Jesus. A meal, ordinary though it would seem from the description, was and is of ultimate significance – Christ, Messiah, Son of Man – the revelation of God – is in the bread and wine. From this eating and drinking would follow Christ’s death. This too becomes part of us. And so, in the food of God and the 'death' of God there is the route to the activity of the Kingdom.

In the presence of Your Body and Blood, I would know the mystery of Your Life and Your Death.

The Eucharist is not simply an act of remembering, it is recollecting – a bringing into the present the Christ of the Gospel. It is also an enactment of the feast of the Kingdom which is to come. Heaven and earth truly touch in the Eucharist. All prayer emanates from this enacted recollection. You are called to honour this by your regular receiving of Christ’s Body and Blood – to meditate, when you can, before the Blessed Sacrament. From this discipline, you are called to see Christ’s Body around you, that you may serve and love wherever and in whoever you see that Body.

+Martin
Argyll and The Isles

Matthew under the arm 124

[So sorry to be so long in making a posting. My excuse is ...leading a pilgrimage to Assisi and the Scottish Episcopal Church General Synod....]

For two days now, this woman has been walking with us. She has been asking Columba questions about himself and his spiritual life. She has never asked me anything! On one occasion, Columba was speaking about relating to emotions in prayer, the woman suggesting that when she prayed she was constantly plagued by emotional 'surges'. I tried to put in something from my approach to prayer. All that happened was that I was completely ignored...by them both! So I stumped off on my own, head down and heart beating in a rage, about which I could do nothing at the time. This morning, it happened that I walked with the woman myself. How do you imagine I am feeling now? I told her about Columba's temper and how depressed he can get.... 'Why are you telling me this?', she asked.....

Matthew 26:14-25….
The Gospels do not give much detail as to Judas’ motivation. One possibility is that he was trying to force Jesus’ hand to ‘take on’ the religious and political powers and bring in the kingdom now. The other is that he was jealous of some of the disciples being closer to Jesus than he was. Perhaps he was frightened that eventually not only Jesus would be arrested but that he would be. The feast of Passover provided a possible timing for the realisation of all these. The exposure of betrayal at table is significant, because eating together is an intimate experience. Everyone at a table is included in the experience. Whatever the motivation, Judas’ fear is plain to see. So is mine! Fear!

Let Your Light expose and heal the fear that lies in the depths of my heart.


One of the most dangerous of emotions is jealousy, which not only wants what someone else has, but wants to make sure the other person cannot have it either. It is dangerous because it can lead to destructive behaviour towards others including oneself. In this exercise, you may find it helpful to have someone you trust to talk through your experiences. Recollect the occasion you wanted to behave destructively towards someone. Relive the events in detail but without judgement of yourself. Then imagine yourself at table with Jesus and feel the same feelings towards him! However, for the major part of your meditation use the sentence to realise that all these feelings are in you and that you are being freed from them.

+Martin
Argyll and The Isles