Matthew under the arm 124
[So sorry to be so long in making a posting. My excuse is ...leading a pilgrimage to Assisi and the Scottish Episcopal Church General Synod....]
For two days now, this woman has been walking with us. She has been asking Columba questions about himself and his spiritual life. She has never asked me anything! On one occasion, Columba was speaking about relating to emotions in prayer, the woman suggesting that when she prayed she was constantly plagued by emotional 'surges'. I tried to put in something from my approach to prayer. All that happened was that I was completely ignored...by them both! So I stumped off on my own, head down and heart beating in a rage, about which I could do nothing at the time. This morning, it happened that I walked with the woman myself. How do you imagine I am feeling now? I told her about Columba's temper and how depressed he can get.... 'Why are you telling me this?', she asked.....
Matthew 26:14-25….
The Gospels do not give much detail as to Judas’ motivation. One possibility is that he was trying to force Jesus’ hand to ‘take on’ the religious and political powers and bring in the kingdom now. The other is that he was jealous of some of the disciples being closer to Jesus than he was. Perhaps he was frightened that eventually not only Jesus would be arrested but that he would be. The feast of Passover provided a possible timing for the realisation of all these. The exposure of betrayal at table is significant, because eating together is an intimate experience. Everyone at a table is included in the experience. Whatever the motivation, Judas’ fear is plain to see. So is mine! Fear!
Let Your Light expose and heal the fear that lies in the depths of my heart.
One of the most dangerous of emotions is jealousy, which not only wants what someone else has, but wants to make sure the other person cannot have it either. It is dangerous because it can lead to destructive behaviour towards others including oneself. In this exercise, you may find it helpful to have someone you trust to talk through your experiences. Recollect the occasion you wanted to behave destructively towards someone. Relive the events in detail but without judgement of yourself. Then imagine yourself at table with Jesus and feel the same feelings towards him! However, for the major part of your meditation use the sentence to realise that all these feelings are in you and that you are being freed from them.
+Martin
Argyll and The Isles
For two days now, this woman has been walking with us. She has been asking Columba questions about himself and his spiritual life. She has never asked me anything! On one occasion, Columba was speaking about relating to emotions in prayer, the woman suggesting that when she prayed she was constantly plagued by emotional 'surges'. I tried to put in something from my approach to prayer. All that happened was that I was completely ignored...by them both! So I stumped off on my own, head down and heart beating in a rage, about which I could do nothing at the time. This morning, it happened that I walked with the woman myself. How do you imagine I am feeling now? I told her about Columba's temper and how depressed he can get.... 'Why are you telling me this?', she asked.....
Matthew 26:14-25….
The Gospels do not give much detail as to Judas’ motivation. One possibility is that he was trying to force Jesus’ hand to ‘take on’ the religious and political powers and bring in the kingdom now. The other is that he was jealous of some of the disciples being closer to Jesus than he was. Perhaps he was frightened that eventually not only Jesus would be arrested but that he would be. The feast of Passover provided a possible timing for the realisation of all these. The exposure of betrayal at table is significant, because eating together is an intimate experience. Everyone at a table is included in the experience. Whatever the motivation, Judas’ fear is plain to see. So is mine! Fear!
Let Your Light expose and heal the fear that lies in the depths of my heart.
One of the most dangerous of emotions is jealousy, which not only wants what someone else has, but wants to make sure the other person cannot have it either. It is dangerous because it can lead to destructive behaviour towards others including oneself. In this exercise, you may find it helpful to have someone you trust to talk through your experiences. Recollect the occasion you wanted to behave destructively towards someone. Relive the events in detail but without judgement of yourself. Then imagine yourself at table with Jesus and feel the same feelings towards him! However, for the major part of your meditation use the sentence to realise that all these feelings are in you and that you are being freed from them.
+Martin
Argyll and The Isles
Labels: Jealousy and Healing
posted by Martin at 6:05 pm
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