Matthew under the arm 96

[I am aware that it must seem strange to have arrived at a point in the Matthew pilgrimage leading up to the Passion, when in fact we are a matter of days from Christmas. Simply remember that the 'marks' of the Passion are already on Mary and the Christ-child....]

Late yesterday afternoon, Columba and I had to take shelter in a forest from a sudden downpour of rain. To make matters worse, we were both starving. Luckily the trees were closely packed together that by sitting under the firs, we could have some protection. However, we were already soaked through and, of course, getting tired and cold. Columba started to shiver. His circulation was poor, that I knew. I tried to warm him by rubbing his hands, his arms and his feet. Then came thunder and lightning. Being under elderly trees was not advisable. So we battled on against the wind and rain. Eventually, we came across a long track to small farm house. We banged on the door, having seen a light inside. A man came to the door and peered out. Without saying a word, he showed us into the barn, where there was straw. Later he returned with hot soup and bread. Never has any food tasted so wonderful. We tried to get the old man to talk. He remained silent. This afternoon a pilgrim who had shared the barn with us, told us that in the early morning the old man was found dead by his front door. Were we touched by the Kingdom? Columba simply added, 'Act out of Love now!'


Matthew 20:1-16….
So what seems a logical hierarchy in heaven is turned on its head: the last – first. Nor is there any suggestion that the Kingdom is egalitarian. There is no political or moral application of this story whatever. It is about the undermining of assumptions. Deserving, exemplary lives are not necessarily about God and the ‘kingdom’. We can still use our high morality as subtle (and not so subtle) means of control over others. Jesus who is the Son of God, we might have expected to be the centre of attention, as he would soon become ‘king’ on a donkey in a procession. But that all came to nothing. He became the last and the least within days. This story, then, prepares us for the Passion.


Through the simplifying of my attention, I would become aware Your Humility in those who are powerless



The Kingdom of Heaven is an image that you may find difficult. It is a not a place set in time somewhere other than here and now. And yet, there is a taste of the Kingdom in you and your experience that is drawing you towards some fulfilment. That fulfilment has little to do with achievement or control – certainly over others. It is beyond life and death. So in the silence, allow images of that ‘Kingdom’ to surface. Write them down or even draw them, if that helps. If the ‘kingdom' is about the ‘last’, recall the least or the last you have encountered recently and their circumstances. Maybe you have experienced being the last...? Using the sentence, imagine Christ relating to them, (to you!) ...notice what what he says and what he does. Imagination it may simply be, but it may be significant for your response.

+Martin
Argyll and The Isles

Matthew under the arm 95

In the afternoon, Columba and I were walking rather slowly. He had been quiet for over an hour, obviously thinking deeply about something. Eventually he asked, 'Did you notice...? That man who came into the hostel with us last night, kept asking me questions...'
'So? He was so boring. Asking you about the meaning of evil; whether strong belief is essential..... You didn't really answer him convincingly.'
'Because there aren't convincing answers to these questions.'
'Well. Why were you are thinking about him so much.'
'Because his questions weren't his real questions.... He was asking something that he felt he couldn't ask directly.....'

Matthew 19:27-30….
The edgy question: ‘What’s in it for me?’ is important. Perhaps, Jesus wouldn't have had any disciples unless they felt that there was something in it for them: some wanting recognition in the face of anonymity; some wanting power in the coming of the new kingdom… These questions, asked in a thousand different ways, are in effect based on basic questions that are sometimes to hard for us to ask: ‘Am I going to be affirmed?’ or ‘Do you love me?’ Any organisation, including a Christian one, cannot function effectively unless there is something ‘in it for those who participate’. The Kingdom is marked by the gifts of affirmation and love. Jesus recognised the importance of that. His execution was all the more devastating for him as few stayed with him. Perhaps there was nothing in it for them after all!

That I may be still and receive Your Acceptance, Your Love and Your Hope

No matter how busy you may or may not be (and remember the uncomfortable fact is you may have chosen to be busy!), look at your activities recently and be aware of the ways you have asked for affirmation no matter how indirectly, materially or emotionally. What do you feel about that seeking? Then take those circumstances into silence and imagine yourself once again seeking that ‘reward’. Jesus does not condemn the seeking. Now turn to Jesus, and imagine you are wanting the same from Him now…. Notice what happens and use the sentence to deepen your desire.

+Martin
Argyll and The Isles

Matthew under the arm 94

It was a 'fast' day yesterday. I have been trying on each of these days throughout the pilgrimage not to eat too much; steering clear of the local wines and even going without a meal, which is quite hard on a strenuous pilgrimage. Columba sat outside on the wall on a farmyard munching away at a huge slice of bread and some local cheese. In his other hand, he had a huge mug of hot soup. I approached him (with nothing in my hands, of course) and just stared. There was a mixture of pride in the fact that I had got through until 4.00pm with only some water and a rather elderly apple. Columba stopped still in mid-munch. He had that dreadful habit of speaking with his mouth full, which caused mangled crumbs and cheese to spray! 'What are looking at me like that for?' ....I could just make out his meaning. 'This is a fast day', I said in a low meaningful voice. 'Do you feel better?' he asked.


Matthew 19:23-26….
Jesus begins by saying that it is hard for the rich to enter the Kingdom and concludes by suggesting that it is impossible. The initiative for entry into the Kingdom is God's. So the rich are not alone. A camel going through the eye of needle, even if ‘the eye of the needle’ refers to a tiny gate in the walls of a city, would seem to inhibit anyone including the disciples. There is the common assumption that if you try hard enough and get your spirituality ‘right’, then you’re ‘in’. Even extreme asceticism becomes another rich possession! [The intractable disease of the lust for being right!] The question is: how do anyone become spiritual without turning it into another project that can be measured in terms of success or failure? It is the wistful freedom that comes from a trusting attitude in God that draws you into His love.


Enter into My Light and My Life and grow in trust of my gift of freedom


Learning about the spiritual life can even be useful, but the basis of it is simply you and God in all your experiences whatever they are and with whoever. Silence and stillness do bring an attentiveness. However, the perplexing truth is that the experience of God is there for the most unlikely people in the most unlikely set of circumstances. Any exclusive spirituality goes against the grain of the inclusiveness of God. It is worthwhile speaking to a friend who is experienced in the spiritual life (not an expert! In fact, if you come across one, run!) to check out how possessive you are about your spirituality! The most encumbered and, perhaps, dangerous person spiritually, is the one who gains spiritual acumen as some sort of expertise.

+Martin
Argyll and The Isles

Matthew under the arm 93

For weeks and weeks now, I have been following this man Columba. Yes, I admit I am prone to sycophancy. The danger of that as a disease is that can lead to envy, and worse: jealousy...that brooding on someone, waiting on them to fail, willing them to fail...marks of my own insecurity. Of course, I had seen, on this pilgrimage, many moments of Columba's - yes - arrogance. At times, he seems to focused on the way of God, that there is a slight callousness there. Despite those, I have always envied the inner clarity and centredness. But there he was today... weeping. He had hoped I hadn't noticed. When we arrived at our accommodation, he went straight to his bunk and asked me to leave. He peeped through the slightly ajar door, having pretended to go downstairs for something to eat. 'God, I am pretending. I am pretending that I have knowledge of your love.... So many ask for my advice...and I pretend.' Jealousy and envy left me at that moment, but they were replaced by awe at the humanity.... severe holiness.


Matthew 19:16-22….
‘Perfection’ and ‘goodness’ are only possible in God. God, as Simone Weil puts it, is The Absolute Good. In saying that, though, what have we said? Greek philosophy, so influential on Christianity, saw perfection and goodness as qualities of the soul that needed to be perfected by spiritual endeavour and thought. Jesus is simply saying that perfection and goodness are impossible. In which case, following Jesus is also impossible. After all, the disciples of Jesus were hardly good, let alone perfect. So Jesus engages with the man in a manner that will waken him up to the illusion and, indeed, danger of human perfectibility. He, like us, is left with these questions: ‘Do I find God at the heart of all aspects of my life?’ ‘What are the implications of this finding in how I use my resources?’


I would find Your Light and Your Wisdom at the heart of all things

There is always ‘the never-the-last-wordness’ about things! Psychologically, there has been incalculable damage done by a Christendom that believes that it is possible to be perfect, which suggests a condemnation of those who are not. Conversely, that it is not possible for anyone to be perfect, therefore, we are perpetually subservient to the Grace of God. Both of these have the image of God not only distinct from humanity but separate. Meditation is a resource that helps you to be free of that dualism. A separate God hardly leads to the discovery of love in ‘the other’, least of all in yourself. Let the practice of silence, free you from what you ought and ought not to believe as a Christian. Let yourself be drawn into stillness. Let the sentence bring you into a process of freedom and discovery. For a start, if you are wealthy, you will waken up to the fact that it isn’t yours anyway!