Matthew under the arm 130
[I have just returned from the Lambeth Conference. My own lifestyle has to change before I can be really truthful about my own experience of the Conference. How else can I respond to meeting the Bishop of Darfur, Rembock, Swaziland and California! For me, all the other issues fade into insignificance....]
The day's walk was long and, frankly, tedious. It was too hot for walking. To make matters worse, Columba kept stopping, sitting down on the side of the path and putting his head in his hands. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't seem to get from him what was wrong. From my bag, I pulled out some bread and some cheese to cheer him at noon. He simply put his hand up to push it all away. By mid-afternoon he was so overcome with fatigue, that he leant on my arm with his head bowed. 'I read early today of Peter's denial', he whispered. 'And so...?', I prompted. 'I realise', he added with a cough, 'that I have given attention to so many pilgrim's on this path, but I have not seen Christ in you.' 'In me?' I laughed. I looked at me and wept.
Matthew 26.69-75
At least Judas didn't lie! Maybe his intentions were convoluted (to which the Gospel writers and Christian history have added the word 'betrayal', which has that permanent stain to it). Peter, 'the rock' of the Church was a liar, as I am, even if I hope my lying is not too often and not too obvious! But there is a wonderful impetuosity and naivety to Peter. Maybe the gift of naivety is an important one for the Church as well. God spare us from the blandishment of subtle and sophisticated Christianity, without losing the importance of the intellect and the refinement that questioning brings. The third denial and the cock crowing led to that powerful moment so powerfully caught in J S Bach's 'St Matthew Passion' and 'St John Passion'. The narrator sings the words 'wept bitterly' with musical and liturgical pathos which is unparalleled in musical history. So Peter's lowest moment is 'celebrated' in the Gospel. Therefore, there is no place, even my own denial of Christ, that I can go that Christ in his love cannot come.... indeed has not already come! Despair and hope - the paradoxical experience of Christ.
I WILL COME TO YOU IN THE PLACE OF YOUR GREATEST DISTANCE FROM GOD.
Enter into your silent meditation no matter how you are feeling. Your mood maybe be that of wanting to do everything but be with God. You may want to put your hand up and simply dismiss the activity of meditation as a waste of time. Don't judge yourself. It maybe that you are longing to enter this bleak moment with Peter as it touches your own personal experience. Whatever the feeling (or lack of it) be faithful to your time of prayer and go to your centre. Remember that it is important to discipline yourself to the regular practice of meditation on a daily basis. Even if this is established in you, don't imagine that denial and distance from God is no longer an issue for you. If it isn't now, it will be at some point. This is precisely why I can never, never be your judge. This passage is for me and it is for you in our own dark moment around a fire trying to stay anonymous, only to have our lonely inclination to hopelessness exposed gently and lovingly as in the Gospel. If you feel like weeping...then weep.
+Martin
Bishop of Argyll and The Isles
The day's walk was long and, frankly, tedious. It was too hot for walking. To make matters worse, Columba kept stopping, sitting down on the side of the path and putting his head in his hands. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't seem to get from him what was wrong. From my bag, I pulled out some bread and some cheese to cheer him at noon. He simply put his hand up to push it all away. By mid-afternoon he was so overcome with fatigue, that he leant on my arm with his head bowed. 'I read early today of Peter's denial', he whispered. 'And so...?', I prompted. 'I realise', he added with a cough, 'that I have given attention to so many pilgrim's on this path, but I have not seen Christ in you.' 'In me?' I laughed. I looked at me and wept.
Matthew 26.69-75
At least Judas didn't lie! Maybe his intentions were convoluted (to which the Gospel writers and Christian history have added the word 'betrayal', which has that permanent stain to it). Peter, 'the rock' of the Church was a liar, as I am, even if I hope my lying is not too often and not too obvious! But there is a wonderful impetuosity and naivety to Peter. Maybe the gift of naivety is an important one for the Church as well. God spare us from the blandishment of subtle and sophisticated Christianity, without losing the importance of the intellect and the refinement that questioning brings. The third denial and the cock crowing led to that powerful moment so powerfully caught in J S Bach's 'St Matthew Passion' and 'St John Passion'. The narrator sings the words 'wept bitterly' with musical and liturgical pathos which is unparalleled in musical history. So Peter's lowest moment is 'celebrated' in the Gospel. Therefore, there is no place, even my own denial of Christ, that I can go that Christ in his love cannot come.... indeed has not already come! Despair and hope - the paradoxical experience of Christ.
I WILL COME TO YOU IN THE PLACE OF YOUR GREATEST DISTANCE FROM GOD.
Enter into your silent meditation no matter how you are feeling. Your mood maybe be that of wanting to do everything but be with God. You may want to put your hand up and simply dismiss the activity of meditation as a waste of time. Don't judge yourself. It maybe that you are longing to enter this bleak moment with Peter as it touches your own personal experience. Whatever the feeling (or lack of it) be faithful to your time of prayer and go to your centre. Remember that it is important to discipline yourself to the regular practice of meditation on a daily basis. Even if this is established in you, don't imagine that denial and distance from God is no longer an issue for you. If it isn't now, it will be at some point. This is precisely why I can never, never be your judge. This passage is for me and it is for you in our own dark moment around a fire trying to stay anonymous, only to have our lonely inclination to hopelessness exposed gently and lovingly as in the Gospel. If you feel like weeping...then weep.
+Martin
Bishop of Argyll and The Isles
Labels: Denial. Weeping as a meditation
posted by Martin at 6:37 pm
2 Comments:
Welcome back!
Maybe when you have thought a little more about your experience at Lambeth and your meeting with African Bishops you will share that with us. That will be interesting and edifying.Somehow in the West we seem to have lost our first love of the gospel that brings salvation and have replaced it with quick fix experiences or worse still "new" secularised theology.They (the Africans) have less to encumbrance them physically, mentally and spiritually and cling to the word as truth.
And it is good to look at the gospel accounts from a personal perspective and apply it to individual experience. He does indeed come at our lowest point when we allow Him to.
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